exactly where I found it. I didn't know what to do the day I pulled a hook out of a bra l was wearing (I was getting taller than my mother at the time), and just put it back in the drawer. I wonder what she thought when she found it? But nothing was ever said about it. I did not dress every day, some- times going weeks in-between, but I found myself thinking about it more and more.

As i got older I would dress whenever possible and was al- ways looking for times that I could be alone. I didn't know why I wanted to crossdress but I always felt relaxed when I did dress. In my first year in high school, I came across a very short article which defined the term "transvestite." I recall that when I read it I thought, "Why that's me!" Up to that time I suppose that I thought that I was unique but that little article. opened my eyes to the fact that I wasn't alone, that there were some others, somewhere, like me.

In my second year of high

school, I got an after-school job as an office boy in a small manufacturing plant which gave me a moderate amount of spending money. Since I now had outgrown my mother's clothes, I decided that I needed some girl's clothes of my own, and ordered a skirt, blouse, slip, etc., from the local catalog store, telling them that I would be in to pick up the order in a few days. Stupid me!!! I didn't know any better and gave the store my right name. When the order came in they sent a post card to my home, and when I got off work that day, my mother asked what I had ordered from the store. I told her that I had ordered nothing, and that there must have been a mistake. So she said that she would go down the next day amd check into the matter. The following day my mother met me at the door with the humorous com- ment, "I see that you ordered something for your girlfriend.” At the time I believed she thought that I really had a girl friend, but NOW I wonder how much she REALLY knew, or guessed. At any rate, nothing further was said and that par- ticular incident was closed.

As a reaction to getting caught (almost), I did not dress for a few months. But eventually my feelings overcame my caution and I decided that I just had to get my own pretty things. This time I decided to bypass the catalog store and "go direct." Having my own car by this time, I went to a nearby town and pur- chased the things I wanted "for my mother." For a few months everything was fine. I would go upstairs to do my homework and be left alone for several hours. During that time I would get my clothes out of my desk (a locked drawer), and be "myself." for 20 or 30 minutes. But I al- 8

ways had to be alert for someone coming up the stairs. as my bed- room door didn't have a lock. On night, while getting out of my skirt and blouse, my mother came to the door. Standing in my slip, panties an bra in the middle of the room, I made a mad dash for the closet and my bathrobe getting into it just as she came through the door. No doubt many of our readers have had similar "emergencies." I told her that I was just getting ready for a bath. This explana- tion might have worked, except that I had forgotten to close the desk drawer. And there, wide open for inspection, was my skirt and blouse!! Mother took it all in with a glance. Again, I don't know how much she knew, or had guessed, or had understood in a split second, but she said very little. She told me, briefly, and quietly, without any kind of scene, that she thought that I should get rid of "these things.” And the next day I did get rid of them in the furance first purge. Mother never said anything further on the subject, but I pointedly left my desk drawer open so that she could see that everything was gone. To this day, I don't know what she thought, or what she knew, as I have never discussed the sub- ject with her. Nor do I know if father knew anything at least at the time. But I know that I was treated no differently by either of them, and the subject was never brought up, for which I am thankful. consideration of my In mother's attitude' I gave up dressing for awhile though lived in daily frustration and wanted to continue my dress- ing. During that time I graduated from high school and began col- lege. I also began dating a girl l had grown up with. We were both "loners," neither of us hav- ing dated before, and for that